hi.............
me back again with thoughts........problems confusions questions guess u must be used to it by now..............
my new dilemma as the title says "am i the savior or d one to be saved"
quite a lot of time i have asked my self this question and very confidently reached the conslusion that i am the savior. not the one to be saved, i carry the resposibility of the entire universe (my universe......my family and my friends) on my shoulders.........these are the shoulders of an armed forces officers daughter...........they are not weak they dont need support but they are always there to support others..............to lend teh helpin hand goin to whatever extend needed.........i hve always been like that...........act before i think.........jump in to save anytiem i see anyone in trouble...............its a great feeling............ANISHA the SAVIOR of all.........a frnd once jokingly said..........GOD cant individually handle everyone so he sent ANISHA to tackle a few.............we laughed and i enjoyed believeing that to be completely true...........
dont get me wrong............i love the part im playin.......mayb the only true part of me that i can say i enjoy and am proud of..........i do things to people.........i change lives without being aware of it..........i ahve sumthin in me that helps people and im grateful to god for that...........then wheres the problem...........is there one!!!!!!!!!
the problem is the second part of this coin.........after interval the pic begins from the savior needin support..........all my past life i lived in teh illusion that i dont need naybody..........being independent meant being totally on ur own.........................i couldnt do that financially or physically so i put in the extra effort in being "INDEPENDENT" emotionally and guess what i succeeded!!!!!!!!!! to the extent that fpr quite soem time i WAS on my own............livin with parents yet totally away from them...........using up all spare resource i had to manage my feelings myself!!!!!!!!!
today i look back and see that all taht was a mistake... today i want help but none i an turn to coz theres no one i trust anymore...... every choice ha sits consequences and i will have to live with the one that i have made!!!!!
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