i start with ma hobbie well i must say there is possibly nuttin i dont like to do....... u wannna kno y coz it keeps me occupied.....................i hate lonliness tho its the only constant company i hve..............i love to surround myself wid ppl coz that takes me away frm ma lyf i get to be vat others are............and dont need to b what i am...........
im a single female, elder daughther of my parents who by the way are very overprotective coz they love me loads!!!!!!!!!! i m totally wacky and crazzy (tho both words may have different meaning for both of us), my friends call me an aspiring terrorist or a terrorisin psychologist coz i kind of adore hitler and napolean and osama...........dont get me wrong i adore their minds and their abilities and condone their acts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!my friends are never gonna believe any1 who would say that anisha behaved in a very mature way at this place coz they know i have grown only ohysiucally mentally i think im still 3 no no 2 no no i think i will settle for 1.5 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!love to be around ppl and enjoy being centre of attraction but not at the expense of others.............
welll other than that cumin to family well i believe that ppl who are broken or shattered frm inside shld not bring new life into the wrld coz they make lyf difficult for themselves and the kid.......................any family based on a compromise does not live long....... u try to hide the crack but it cums open sooner than later.....................so i dont believe in love................. its bu****it................... only thing that lives is compromise...............how long and how much can u bear the other person how much can u change for the other one, for the both of u...................thts marriage in nutshell!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as long as ur anonymous and im sure i wont meet u anytime i will be myself.................any indication of meetin and i strt pretending ...............pretendin to be wht i know u want me to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!my lyf is totally fu**ed up partly coz of me and partly coz of vere i have been, my past, my surroundin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the only reason im tellin u all this is coz right now im p****d off with a fight wid ma mom at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dont get me wrong my lyf frm outside is what every person wld want......... i hve a lovin famly who care alot for me, who love me, take care of me, worry for me, give me anythin i want in lyf............................the only probs is that they dont understand me....................either coz they dont try or coz they are not able to despite their best efforts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if its the former then vat hope can i hve in any famly, if its the latter then vat hope do i ahve 4 myself coz if ppl arnd me 4 past 22 yrs cant understand me then who on earth will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so im pretty much doomed in life................so i live in fantasy......create a wrld of mine own with ma style, ma choice , ma god, ma devil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ironic isint it......................my job in reality the course im studyin is to get ppl livin in their own world in touch with "OUR" reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ironic god how ironic....................forgive me for the outburst................i hd to vent out sumwher and u happen to be the scapegoat....................atleast the balls in ur court now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

closed cocoon

i am a brilliant butterfly, trapped in my own cocoon;
i cocoon i weaved myself;
weaved to protect me from the big bad dangerous world;
me so small, so tender, so sensitive, so immature, so innocent and so helpless;
and so i lived inside my cocoon all these years;
protected from the world, its harshness, its cruelty, its betrayal;
but taht was then;
today i am a butterfly, strong, mature, sensible;
i want my cocoon to open so i can fly;
fly away and see the beautiful world;
but my cocoon refuses to open;
says im still vulnerable and innocent;
but i want to fly, get hurt and learn the hard way;
some say why not just "break free";
your cocoon cannot stop u forever;
but i dont want, i dont want to hurt what has protected me all these years;
the only reason i am a butterfly today is because of my cocoon;
i LOVE it very much and dont want to hurt it;
so i beg my cocoon, please let me fly;
please dont force me break open;
and cause hurt to u and me;
please dont force me to stay in and die shriveled inside;
the choice is your's;
either let me go happily and see me grow in life and in my love for u;
oe watch me break free and hurt both u and me;
or lament over my dead body which became mummified within the walls created by u;








PLEASE LET ME FLY;
AND DON'T LET ME DIE...............

13/10/08

the day that passed,
was nuttin extrordinary,
went to college, met a friend, studied,
so nuttin made it starry.
but for past 3-4 days,
i cry myself to sleep,
with only tears fo my company,
and nuttin else to keep.
so why i cry and why i bear,
the heart that has this tiny tear,
i have my friends my family,
and every one i know loves me,
yet there in my heart is this regret,
i always long for what i CANT get,
praying, begging and crying for it,
threatening and pleading bit by bit,
finally either i go to sleep,
or i accept that i cannot keep,
shedding my tears when nobody sees,
and i pray to GOD down on my knees,
only one desire, only one wish,
send me an angel, a golden fish,
naughty as a kitten and pure a a dove,
someone to share my pain, my love,
someone with whom i can truly be,
someone who loves and LOVES ONLY ME...............

introducing &welcoming myself

hi, i have no clue why but i created this blog. i guess its my deepest desires cumin out. the desire taht wants me to finally bare it all. talk abt what i have never dared talk to anyone else!!!!!!!!!
my feelings my emotions................
im not a poet, im not a writer at all............im just me a simple, confused girl expressive her feelings with whatever vocabulary she has and what ever way she can combine them to form meaning..............
addressed to no one................seeked by no one, trusting no one, all i want is a safe haven,a place where i know my thoughts, feelings, desires and emotions are all safe with absolutely no possiblity of anyone ever using them against me..................
anyone ever hurting me, abandoning me, not understanding me and expecting me to understand always!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love the anonymity.................the facelessness..............the mask beneath the mask..............