theory of displacement!!!

Today I experienced d theory of displacement. All u had to do ws cum up take d key frm me or ask me to get d book down and collect it frm me, but no instead u go to d boss and complain... Lil baby... And he has to do sumthin... Its his bubbles who has complained... So instead of hearin anythin he screams @ d one who seems to be powerless and who will surely not reply back... So what do I do I jst listen... U anyway didn't want to hear my side so what's d point... U lost any tiny amt of respect dat I had for u.... To reinforce ur narcissim u keep favs and dat bugs me...

Ur makin it easy for me to leave trust me... U won't miss me I kno... Only when I threaten to leave will u begin to be my best frnd... Ur shallow... Always knew dat
Jst didn't kno dat sum ppl will change soo much... So soon

Its ok I jst hav to be professional... Don't talk, jst wrk and don't let any1 complain abt dat, no more favors, no more adjustments... Me first... Wrk later

Id Ego Super ego

Id cannot fullifill all its needs instantly so it resolves the tension by primary processes like forming mental images of the desired obejct... Mayb this is why I never feel d intense urge for sexual gratification as many I kno do. My superego cause my id to sublimate dis unacceptable wish into a more socially acceptable need for companionship and my I'd resolves d conflict by forming mental images of companionship aka dreams of love!!!! Eureka!!!

duniya mein kitna gam hai....

Duniya mein kitna gam hai,aapna gam kitna kam hai...
Saari duniya ke paas gam baatne ke liye anisha hai, pata nahi anisha ka gam baantne wala koi kab milega...
Accha lagta hai when ppl think u are approachable and that u can share their pain, disappointments and embarassments, when dey trust u and feel that feelings to difficult for them to handle and too personal to share are safe with u....
But what do u do with those feelings, where do u dispose dem safely, how many graves do u dig in this lil space called heart :)
And what do u do if someone else's disappointments make u feel even worseAn like d guy u have a crush on (dis is since u have not had a BF for 7 yrs)discusses his disappointments in his very much active luv life... When blissfully ignorant to ur pain he shares his crushes wid u,how lil does he kno the daggers that pierce ur heart when he is checkin out other females and u stand by and support ur "very good" friend....

Where do I spill out my heart except to u... :)
Thanks for being around... Thanks for jst listenin.... Even tho I kno that nothin is ever gonna happen but " dil toh baccha hai ji, thoda kaccha hai ji"

ME and ACCEPTANCE

i always kept wondering what is it that makes fantasy and magic and science fiction so endearing to me ..... why is it that X men and harry potter hold such charm..... what makes me want to go back to them again and again and again......... i think i know.......

its the struggle to be accepted within a community where u are not accepted....... the need to be someone else for someone else......... i always identified with raven, her desire to fit in...... her attempts to be normal....... I'm not extraordinary but the sense of being unaccepted as who i am looms in me too...... what i crave for is my own Eric...... someone who prefers me for who i am and not what i can be for them.....

and ironically I'm convinced i"ll never find one...... all i want to say is "I am Anisha and I am proud to be myself". we psychologist always talk abt unconditional regard....... how much i crave for that....... i know how happy i can be if i learn to be selfish and think about myself....... I'm scared of loosing myself either way......... one one side i loose myself and become slave of someone else's version of me..... on the other side i loose myself and become the worst of what i can be...... either way the loss is mine...... the feeling of disintegration is setting in again...... i had resigned to my misery....... i had come to accept it...... i was living with it..... why ........ why did u have to show me my happier side........ why did u have to bring hope and love back..... why did u have to take it away .........

is loosing myself the only way i will ever survive..... is there no middle path.... is there no Charles Xavier to guide me....... a patient's disorder is a manifestation of a dysfunctional family........ why don't families understand that....... families are supposed to protect u, understand u, take care of u.....not mess u up........ rationally they are humans too, they too make mistakes, they are also learning....... emotionally fuck you man cant u see how u are ruining our lives.......

when u give birth to us u promise to take care of us, to make sure no sadness ever touches us, so at what point does it start becoming about u and not us...... i have started blaming, i must not...... but i cant.... i feel so helpless, i know what the problem is but cant do absolutely anything about it....... why.......

I'm rambling on....... no connection from the beginning to the end just thoughts feelings and tears....... I'm all right i cried...... like Morris says in Tuesdays with Morris...... "i have allowed myself a few tears everyday, my quota of self pity, after that i just get up and go about my business" that's whats gonna happen tmw...... i pick up my baggage and start from where i left off on sat and no one is wiser.... :)

i will reveal a secret today..... u know why i come here every time I'm full of emotions and write..... for two reasons..... a major one is venting out, i know no one is reading my blogs and can safely write whatever i want to...... a secret reason is my wishful desire of someone actually reading it, understanding me and falling in love with me....... and me having my happily ever after..... i guess that's just it a wishful thinking..... good nite blog..... gotta sleep now..... I'm trying to get back into exercising tmw...... wish me luck..... maybe that's gonna bring good luck for me..... love u!!!!!