gam kiss baat ka hai.... nakamyabi ka, kamzori ka, akelepan ka, ya zindagi ka???
while driving back today i thought abt this quote that came into my mind "i don't like life yet i fear death"... i don't know what i am writing . its been long very long since tears have flown down my eyes... why now... why today i don't know is it related to my HM dropping, is it related to me beings all alone in this house.... is it related to pri again feeling that i am leaning too much on someone and that i will again hurt myself in the process reminding me that how lonely and needy i really am no matter how much i try to forget it.........
what is it today... is today only the bursting out of what was suppressed for a long time or is it just abt today......what is it.......why is it....i just wish i could hold on to somebody anybody and just let my tears flow and have the person say its going to be OK.... u'll be fine.... but i guess life doesn't give u every thing u would like to have......
Difficult people are very important, - they teach you tolerance and acceptance. If all was going your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't everyone? Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life.
this is my message from GOD today. i understand but still why do i feel like a wretched soul inside......i feel hurt, broken, tired, alone.. i might be victimising myself again but i cant help it...... why cant i feel and understand my own emotions, why are things so easily visible to others but not to me..... i don't "feel" anger but others can easily see that i am angry.... what the hell is that..... i am scared the feelings of death wish are coming back..... the feelings of escapism are coming back.... the feelings of being trapped are coming back...... the pattern is repeating.....i need something new...... this is getting old and forced... it no more feels voluntary thou i know im here by choice......
help me god help me help myself...... show me a way..... give me the courage and the insight and the knowledge..... save my soul tonight......
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