Life is strange..... It gives u what u want in the most unexpected ways..... It teaches u its lessons in exceptionally clear terms with unfaltering precision and sometimes painful cruelty....... but it is not one who takes its responsibilities lightly. like a loving parent it will at first try and teach the lessons lovingly but we as humans as our nature is never understand until we get hurt so it decides to give the final lesson hard......
but the lessons are not always pleasant ones, we make mistakes, fail, give up, let down people, let down ourselves and then grieve, feel the pressure of guilt, wonder where we went wrong, why did we have to go wrong. Then we learn the lesson but one keeps wondering was there a better way to learn this lesson. Would I have recognized it in any other possible way??? Had I to undergo this guilt, this shame, this humiliation, this grief to understand such an important lesson. I guess yes...... the deeper the hurt, the humiliation, the guilt, the grief the stronger the lesson gets internalized (if learnt properly). The harder it hits the deeper it sets in, but what after it has settled in?
Once I have learnt the lesson how will I face the world? How will I look up at the one I destroyed, how do I cope with the humiliation, more importantly with the guilt? Will I ever be peaceful? Will the grief and guilt haunt me entire life?? Will I ever remain the same??? Will the relationship survive in the purest form as it existed before??? When I look at her face again will I feel the same love I once felt or now will I bear the burden of my guilt?? Will his forgiveness make my burden lighter or multiply it load???
We live on images: social image, familial image, peer group image, work place image, my image, his image, her image. This image is what we preserve with all our might, this was what was shattered in front of her, and this is what that was crushed into million pieces in his presence..... Will I survive this calamity? will this image ever be rebuild to its former glory...... it feels nice to know that idols are also humans, that they also make mistakes, they also err but what if I am the reason for this idol to be downgraded to humanity from divinity??? Will the idol ever forgive me?? Will I ever forgive myself???? Is it even a downgrading or is it even more uplifting..... Free from the pressures of the divinity I can now be pure and natural human......
I know u have seen me in my weakest, in my ugliest and in my worst and still stayed back, trusted me and not changed the way we were before.... I am grateful I am more close I trust u more or I cannot face the one person who has seen my deepest shame, how can I look at u every time I see u I see the face of one who has seen my shame..... I am not able to understand u smile is it genuine concern or scornful mockery????? What, Oh Lord! is going on in my ideal's mind right now??? Is he thanking his escape from my presence or does she genuinely feels grateful for my presence????
